Wednesday, February 24, 2010

To Be...Or Not To Be...?

That is always the question when it comes to Pal.

Pal has been a Cub Scout since First Grade, starting out in one Pack and then transferring at the end of 2nd grade to a bigger, better Pack with his best buddy. We had just moved here when Pal started Cub Scouts so we didn't really know that many people. This group of people - from the Cubmaster to the parents that are involved, have become some of our closest friends in this town.

So, when Pal was crossing over (or "graduating") from Cub Scouts as a Webelos II Scout on January 25th, the natural progression of scouting is for them to join Boy Scouts. There is a terrific Boy Scout Troop that is a continuation of our Cub Scout Pack, and it is all the same families that are involved. There were 6 Webelos II Scouts that would be crossing over. Except that Pal decided he doesn't want to be a Boy Scout. Figure in that Hubby is an Eagle Scout and credits his involvement with Scouts with keeping him out of trouble as a teen, (or most trouble, I should say!!) you can imagine that we were heartbroken. When your child doesn't want to do something that you've always dreamed you would do with them, a little part of you dies inside. I saw the utter disappointment in Hubby's eyes, but he had promised Pal that we wouldn't force him to do Boy Scouts.

Last week, things changed. Pal and Hubby were home (it was school vacation) and they decided to go shopping with all of Pal's gift cards that he got at Christmas. Pal had his heart set on a new video game system that cost more than the gift cards, so Hubby made a deal with him: I will front the rest of the money if you will TRY Boy Scouts. My initial reaction was "You just made a deal with the devil!". But, I could see how much Hubby wanted Pal to at least try it, with the hope that he will love it and stick with it. Unfortunately, this is NOT Pal's strength!

Last night was their first meeting and it seemed to go pretty well. I can only hope that the deal lasts and Pal doesn't try to back out of it. My sincere hope is that one day we will be at Pal's Eagle Scout Court of Honor and we will be telling everyone how he didn't even want to TRY Boy Scouts!

Wish us luck!
-G

This is the Crossing Over Ceremony for the Webelos II Scouts (Pal on far left)

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

One Month

Today marks one month since my Mom passed away. It has been a month filled with emotions of all kinds. Those of you who have lost someone know what I am talking about. My brother's boss sent him a card that said "Nobody knows what it's like to lose your Mother unless they've been through it." Boy is that the truth. I never thought I would feel the range of emotions I have felt since her death. It's overwhelming sometimes.

My niece was having a hard time grieving and was being criticized by those close to her for the way she was choosing to handle it. NO ONE has that right. We all grieve differently, and the way we choose to do it is nobody's business but our own. Watching the death of someone you love is TRAUMATIC, and what we went through with my Mom was traumatic. Not just her dying, but her life before Alzheimer's, her life during Alzheimer's and now her death after Alzheimer's.

About 2 weeks after she passed, I got into bed and Hubby was already asleep. I cuddled up next to him and LOST IT. He, in bewilderment, was awake in a flash and asked me what was wrong. I couldn't even explain it properly. I felt guilty for feeling. Feeling mad at my Mom for handling life the way she did long before Alzheimer's crept in. Feeling ashamed for being mad at her. Feeling bad that I didn't cry so hard on the day of her funeral. Feeling devastated that my Mother was never going to call me on my birthday again, or hug my son again, or make horrible, inedible lasagna, or anything ever again. It's a harsh realization.

It's grief, plain and simple. I still don't feel like life will ever be "normal" again. And just when I think I am back to normal, something else happens or somebody says something that brings me right back to that moment in time. I guess I will just become a new normal now.

Thanks for listening.
-G

p.s. I love you and miss you, Mom. Rest in peace.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

It's Your Song


March 26, 1935 - January 17, 2010

My Mom passed away on Sunday from Alzheimer's Disease and Colon Cancer. She was surrounded by her 5 children and waited for her favorite daytime Nurse to come back to work in the morning before she passed peacefully in her sleep. It was the most heart-wrenching moment, of relief and despair all wrapped into one. She is finally "free", at peace and in a better place.

Since this Blog is named after a Garth Brooks song about the life you lived in that little dash in between your birth date and death date, I wanted to share with you the lyrics from yet another fitting Garth Brooks song. My Mom had the most beautiful voice and I was always in awe of her when she sang. This is the one thing she will be remembered for most, not just by her family but by all of the people whose weddings and funerals she sang at. My sister, "P", and I have been blessed with good voices, too, though we can not even compare to my Mom's voice. So, the lyrics to the song below express what I feel when I sing. I sing for her.

"It's Your Song" by Garth Brooks

Standing in the spotlight
On such a perfect night
Knowing that your out there listening
I remember one time
When I was so afraid
Didn't think I had the courage
To stand up on this stage
Then you reached into my heart
And you found the melody
And if there ever was somebody
Who made me believe in me
It was you
It was you

It was your song that made me sing
It was your voice that gave me wings
And it was your light that shined
Guiding my heart to find
This place where I belong
It was your song

Every night I pray
Before the music starts to play
That I'll do my best and I won't let you down
And for all the times I've stood here
This feeling feels brand new
And any time I doubt myself I think of you

'Cause It was your song that made me sing
It was your voice that gave me wings
And it was your light that shined
Guiding my heart to find
This place where I belong
It was your song

Dreams can come true
With God's great angels like you

It was your song that made me sing
It was your voice that gave me wings
And it was your light that shined
Guiding my heart to find
This place where I belong
It was your song
It was your song
It's always been your song


Rest easy now, Mom. I will do my best to make you proud every day.
I love you,
-G

Thursday, December 31, 2009

Welcome, 2010!

Happy New Year's Eve to all you doubters who thought I wouldn't post again in 2009!!! When I started thinking about saying goodbye to 2009, I thought of my post from December 23, 2008 where I did a recap of the horrible year we had. All-in-all, I think 2009 did me proud and lived up to its expectation of being a better year. Here is my recap of 2009 (some of it may be redundant after my catch-up post in October, but here goes):

January 5th we moved my Dad into the retirement community and said goodbye to the house where we all grew up. It was a poignant moment and we all handled it differently. I said goodbye when I was there alone the night before it was "sold". It was like watching the end of a TV series when the cast walks off the set and it goes dark --- I had to lock the back door, putting my key inside on the counter before I shut the door. Looking back through the locked door into the kitchen where my family shared many a meal. It was sad, but I had to remind myself that it was what needed to happen for my Dad's sake. I have to drive by that house every day after work and I always look down the driveway to see who's home. I hope the new people have many happy memories in that house. My sister, P, is in touch with the new owners on Facebook, and they send her updates and pictures. It's pretty cool to see.

February was totally uneventful, and I loved it that way! We hired a math tutor for Pal, who comes to our house twice a week. He's a good kid, out of college and looking for a job. He does wonders with Pal. He even helps him with other homework if he has it.

The first weekend of March, Hubby and I were able to escape for a weekend and go to a luxury hotel in Maine. I say escape because Pal was NOT happy about us leaving, to say the least. He stayed with Hubby's sister and her family and according to him, he was "miserable" all weekend! We, however, were NOT miserable! We were near the ocean in Maine and that Saturday turned out to be an early Spring surprise, where the temps went up to 70ยบ! We walked on the beach and watched the crazy surfers, dogs running and little kids digging in the sand. Then we went for a drive up the coast, got a little lost, and stopped at a "world famous" hot dog stand. http://www.floshotdogs.com/

In April we barely stayed home! The first weekend took us to New Jersey to visit some friends who moved there. Their son is one of our many Godchildren, but the only one that both Hubby and I share as Godparents. (We each have 4 others, separately!). On that Saturday we all took the train into New York City and went to the American Museum of Natural History. What a place! It's where they filmed "Night at the Museum". It takes up 4 city blocks and you need two full days to see the whole thing. On the ride to and from NJ, Pal read the entire first book of Harry Potter! He has since read all 7, and even read 1 & 2 again!
On April school vacation, we went on a Cruise. It was just awesome. We went to St. Thomas, Tortola and Samana. The latter was horrible, but the other two made up for it. We even swam with the dolphins in Tortola - that was totally cool!!!

May was quiet, and again I am thankful for quiet! A friend of ours who runs Pal's Cub Scout pack was nominated and won the town's Good Guy award. That was so much fun to see him honored - he truly deserved it. We were even quoted in a local newspaper from parts of our nomination letter! Later in May, Hubby bought a new pickup truck and we went camping with friends and got to use our brand new (used) pop-up camper for the first time. It was great! Our favorite memory from that trip was the 3 boys (Pal and their 2) playing army all over the campground, and as they were leaving the camp site, one of them yelled "The battle will ensue in the ferns on the hill!" It was their battle cry and we all laughed so hard.

June brought the end of my work year, the end of school, and the decision of whether to put a new transmission in my 9 year old van or trade it in for a new vehicle. We ended up putting the transmission in, which didn't pay off in the long run (see December for update on this!). In light of my Mom's colon cancer, it was suggested that all of us get a colonoscopy, so mine was in June. Everything was fine, for all of us, thank God! In late June, Pal started a Summer program where he went every day from 8:30-1:00 for June through July. I loved it. Him...not so much! Pal also started taking Karate lessons. Again, I love it. Him, not so much! But, he made a commitment to it and will be taking lessons until our contract expires next June!!

July was filled with going to our campground and enjoying that new camper, too! We also did a family trip with all of the kids in the family to a local water park - with a cookout at the camper after. We also shared season tickets to a Triple-A baseball team called the Lowell Spinner's, so we went to our share of games. It was a lot of fun.

In August we were barely home, again! The first weekend we went camping with the same friends in our pop-up. This time we went to Maine and the campground had a lot of stuff for the kids to do. The campsites were a little too close for our comfort, but we had a good weekend anyway. The second weekend, we went to Florida. Instead of another Disney-filled trip, we decided to do the "other" parks...shhh, don't tell anyone! Boy, was it HOT. I have never sweat so much in my entire life.
Then I went back to work, earlier than usual this year, because of a new position. You can read about that in my October "Marathon Start" post. Pal also went to Cub Scout camp for his final year. More about this in same October post.

Back to school came September 1, and then Pal turned 10! We also had a visit from one of our cousins in Arizona (see October post again!). My family also walked in the Alzheimer's Association Memory Walk in honor of my Mom.

October was colder than normal for our area. On the 3rd weekend, the Cub Scout pack went camping with the Boy Scouts Troop to a mountain in New Hampshire. I was excited because the women folk were NOT invited!! A whole weekend to myself?!?! Whoopie!!! Well, not so fast, there G! The temps dropped into the low 20's, and the men decided after hiking 9 miles up the mountain that they would prefer sleeping in a warm bed at home. Oh well, there goes the big bed all to myself!
The 4th weekend Hubby and I went to Erie, PA for my friends wedding (see Weddings post in October). In late October, I decided to join a local Chorus for their Christmas show. I hope to audition for them in January to be a member. They are part of the Sweet Adelines.

In November I had some moles removed from my face and that was one of the most painful experiences of my life! At least they were all benign, which I knew, but it was nice to be reassured. For my Dad's 77th birthday, we got the whole family together and made him one of his family's famous recipe's...Ropie Pie. It is a potato and meat mixture which I find repulsive but he was thrilled. Pal also competed in a Karate tournament and placed 2nd and 3rd in the 2 categories he was in. We were so proud of him. The following week he got a belt promotion, too! Exciting stuff. The very last weekend of November was my 20th High School Reunion, which I swore I would never attend. But, after reconnecting on Facebook with some good friends, I decided to go. It was...interesting!

December brought more van trouble. This time it was a power steering pipe that rusted. Then 2 weeks later it was the entire front end suspension. We decided it was TIME. So, now I am driving a leased Toyota Rav4! We had never considered leasing before but now that I know I will not have to deal with an aging car again, I am loving the idea! Pal also shocked us at his Band concert by getting up to do a trombone SOLO! Again, we were so proud!

At Christmas I went to see my Mom in the NH, and she seems to be doing okay. She has good days and bad, but for the most part things are status-quo. We still could not be happier with the decision to move her to the NH. As for my Dad, he also continues to struggle with all the changes in his life, but for the most part is doing alright.

So, after a hellish 2008, I am happy to say 2009 was good to us. May 2010 be prosperous, healthy and happy for all of you, as well!!

Happy New Year!

-G

Friday, December 11, 2009

OH Christmas Tree...

Do you remember this picture from last January?


My post was about the mess our real tree made and how I hate real trees. But, Hubby likes them. So again, we went and picked out a real tree last Friday and brought it home, put it in the stand, and on Wednesday night all 3 of us strung the lights and decorated it. And then, it started to fall over. Luckily we were right there and caught it. But no matter what Hubby did to resecure it in the stand, it would NOT.STAND.UP. @$*&!!!

And so, we UNstrung the lights and UNdecorated it, and then we threw it out. I was so disgusted. Now, we will haul the fake tree out of the attic this Sunday and REstring the lights and REdecorate the fake tree. *&^%!!!

Next year, we will START with the fake tree. I hope.

Here's hoping your holidays are joyful and filled with good friends, good food and the love of your family.

See you in 2010 (because at the rate I am blogging it WILL BE 2010!)

-G

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Weddings



I love weddings. I love going to weddings. Weddings usually make me cry. I get all nostalgic and think about my own wedding, which I loved every minute of. Everybody told me that my reception was the most fun they ever had at a wedding. I was proud of that, because we hired the "one man band" guy we had seen at another wedding because he really knew how to work the crowd. We chose really cool songs for our first and last dances and because it was before Christmas, we chose poinsettia plants as the centerpieces. For the seating assignments, we attached the "Table #__" cards to a Christmas ornament with our names and our wedding date hand-written on them, that I made myself. It's been 14 years and people still tell me they hang their ornament up and think of us every Christmas. I love that!

I remember my brother telling me that he felt like a fish inside a fishbowl on his wedding day, where everyone was watching him and Di and their every move. All eyes on them. I loved that feeling! I know, I know, this doesn't shock those of you that know me well. (My brother also used to say I had a mouth the size of Peru, and my nickname from a close family friend was "Motor Mouth". I am NOT shy.) I still watch my wedding video once in a while. Hubby still has never watched the entire thing!! That was our agreement - he didn't want it video-taped, I did. So, the agreement was that I would never MAKE HIM watch it. Marital harmony!

This coming weekend, Hubby and I are traveling to a wedding in Pennsylvania. The groom was one of my former teens when I was doing the High School Youth Group at Church. He was a sulky, moody boy who showed up at the Mass because his new girlfriend dragged him there. At first I figured we'd see him this once and he'd never return, girlfriend or not. But he surprised all of us by coming back again and again. When we wanted to paint our youth center, he offered to paint a mural on one wall. At one point he was so upset about a youth group issue that he staged a boycott until we heard him and his peers out. His graduating "class" from the youth group are among some of my favorite teens to this day.

After he graduated, we didn't see him as much, but kept in touch with him. One day he called us and asked if we would consider him joining the adult team for the youth group. I was so happy and proud. He wrote a paper for a college class about his experiences with the youth group and how we all helped him change his life around. I have never, ever, been more humbled by someone else than I was that day.

Well, he joined our team and in the long run (and I do mean LONG run, many years and a few parish changes later) ended up running the youth group!! He has since "retired" (as have I) and met the love of his life who he will marry on Saturday. I don't have any younger siblings, and he is an only child, so we are always joking that he is my little brother and I am his sister. I really, really like his wife-to-be, too, and I tell him all the time that I might even like her better than I like him. Typical older sister thing to say, huh?!

I am truly blessed to be able to witness this marriage and I hope they have many, many years of happiness.

((tear))

- G

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Marathon Start


I feel like I have been running a marathon since I last blogged. (Okay, stop laughing NOW!). The last post was all about our Summer activities. Since then I have gone back to work, Pal has gone back to school, and it is now October. I didn't even have ONE post in September! I will catch you up as best I can:

Pal was at Cub Scout Camp during the week of my last post. He didn't really like it this year because they decided that the Webelos II scouts would go to an offsite Boy Scout camp instead of staying in camp with all of the others. So they would pile onto a bus for a 45-minute ride to the other camp every day. Then on the last day they brought them back into the camp with all of the other kids and it was (to quote Pal) "awkward". Plus this was the first year that I had to be back to work and couldn't go as the "Den Escort". I like to think he missed his Mom. =)

Back to work came early for me this year. Myself and 2 others got a promotion and this brought on a ton of new responsibilities, (it was a whole other job on top of our regular jobs), and boy were we in shell shock. I have never had so much work to do in such a short period of time before. I was EXHAUSTED at the end of each day! I would rather be busy than bored, but at this point I could have used enough time to take a bathroom break!! Especially since I was looking around and it didn't seem like the other 2 had as much work to do as I did. Thankfully they noticed, too, and everyone pitched in to help me when I needed it. When I got home every night it took all I had to keep my eyes open!

Pal started school before Labor Day. He seems to like his new teacher and isn't getting loaded down with homework, yet. This teacher likes them to get as much done IN school so they don't have to take it home. I love that theory, but I worry about next year when he goes to middle school and has to manage his work himself. This is not his strong point! He is also doing Karate twice a week and has decided to keep learning trombone in the school band this year. On top of all of that he has CCD and Cub Scouts, so we are always going somewhere.

In the same week that Pal went back to school, he turned 10! We had a "Lego Store" party with 3 of his buddies, with pizza and cupcakes after. Then we had a family party at the house, which was small this year. And that was just fine with me!! Here is a pic of the Lego Party:

Toward the end of September, one of my cousins from Arizona came to New England with his wife for a short vacation. I'll call them the "Carbs". This is one of my "long lost" cousins that our family never really knew until I made contact with one of them about 10 years ago through email. It was so great to see both of them, and this was her first time to the east coast. She just fell in love with it, and we all got along so nicely. Here are a couple of pictures from their visit: My sisters C & P, with myself and RCarbs


The Four R's
RCarbs, my Dad, my Brother and my Nephew)


My Dad and RCarbs (they kinda look alike, don't ya think??!)


Mr. & Mrs. Carbs and Dad

My family once again did the Alzheimer's Memory Walk as the team "Memory Keepers". Here is a picture of the whole team:

Now we are headed into Columbus Day weekend - at long last! It is also Hubby's 39th B-day next week! He will be spending the following weekend camping with the Cub Scouts (did I mention that he took over their den this year?) Look at how cute he is in uniform:I will be thoroughly enjoying some time to myself (in other words, the house will get cleaned and stay clean for longer than 10 minutes!!!). I have made some plans to hang out with the ladies and I am SO looking forward to it.

Mom's disease is progressing, and she now needs assistance with eating. She looks pretty good though and doesn't seem to be in too much pain. Here is a recent picture of her with 2 of my nieces:


I've caught you up on my life since August (not 100%, there isn't enough blogisphere out there to chronicle ALL of it!!!!). Pretty soon it will be the holidays and we will be saying, "Where did 2009 GO?"!!!

Have a great long weekend!
- G