Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Hope. Simple as that.


"HANDS OF HOPE"

This past weekend, my sister P held a fundraiser at the hair salon she works at. It was called "Cutting for a Cure" and was held in memory of our Mom as well as P's boss who also lost her Dad to Alzheimer's. At the end of the day, we took all of the balloons and each person who has lost someone to Alzheimer's released one. The above picture I took from inside the circle of balloons. I called it "Hands Of Hope" because I can only hope for a cure for this F'ing disease. Excuse my swear/slang!

This coming Sunday is the Memory Walk and I will post pictures from that next week. Please pray for us and pray that we can raise money to fund a cure.

Thanks!
-G

Thursday, August 25, 2011

The Party's Over

Back to work for me already! Wow, I blogged on the last day of school for Pal, and now he is going back to school on Tuesday. 7th grade. Holy crap.

Summer has been good, at times I was a little bored staying home but cured myself of that quickly by making lots (and lots) of plans for us to get out of the house. Therefore, I never got any projects done at home before returning to work this past Monday! There's the rub.

With Summer dwindling down and Fall on the horizon, we will once again walk as a family in the Alzheimer's Walk in Boston. Our team seems to change every year, with last year's team being our largest. My cousins walked with us, because their Mom who is my Mom's sister, also has Alzheimer's. Aunt M is in the stage that my Mom was in when we started to realize she couldn't stay alone at all. We started looking at nursing homes and assisted living facilities, but my cousins and Uncle are not quite there yet.



The walk is on Sunday, September 25. Please keep us all in your thoughts and prayers. I miss my Mom so much sometimes it hurts. Other times, I feel like I lost her a looooong time ago. That's what sucks about Alzheimer's - it robs you of your loved ones long before they're gone.

Update on my health and weight loss - I am down 47 pounds! Still going at it, slowly but surely. Summer was harder, but now that I am back at work and on a schedule, I hope to continue in that direction. It was nice to go "back-to-work" shopping for myself and realize what size jeans I can fit into again!!

We are going camping in the pop-up for Labor Day weekend with 3 other families. We've done this a few times now and it is always a good time. I can't wait. Pal turns 12 next week - I can't believe it. He is getting to that age where it's hard to buy gifts for him, because he doesn't want toys anymore, but what he wants for electronics cost a fortune! He ended up asking most people for money so he can buy what he wants. Happy Birthday to my precious little man. He'll be a big man before I blink.

Enjoy the rest of the Summer and bring on the Fall!
-G

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Lazy, Hazy, Crazy Days of Summer


This is our lake that we camp on. My caption on Facebook was "Life is good."


Today is the official start of Summer. Not only the Summer Solstice and the longest day of the year (as far as daylight is concerned, that is), but it is also Pal's first day of Summer vacation. It is the day you live for when you are a kid. Or, if you are me and you have Summer's off, too! I've been out for a month, so I had some quiet, luxurious hours alone for the last month. Now that will all change!! But that's okay, because I love that Pal is out of school. No more schedules, packing lunches and backpacks, homework, etc.

For the last day of school he asked if he could walk home instead of taking the bus, and as far as I'm concerned, if he wants to exercise - I let him! So I said yes, and while he was walking he met up with some friends who asked if he wanted to walk down to the local pizza place for lunch. Yikes - he is growing up so fast. I said yes, and of course he didn't have money on him, so I had to bring him some. Then I went on to the grocery store and he proceeds to call and ask if I can pick up him and his friends at the pizza place. They've been out of school for 2 hours and it's already starting!!! But, I went anyway, because I have Taxi & Sucker written on my forehead.

When I picked them up, they all start telling me this story and I was stunned into silence: On their walk to the pizza place, they notice a ziploc bag with "suspicious contents". So, they called the police to report it! I wanted to laugh here, because the thought of four 12-year-olds (or almost 12 in Pal's case) taking it upon themselves to call the police just cracked me up. I would never have done something like that as a kid! When the police didn't respond quickly enough for Pal's liking - he called them a second time!!!

When the police officer came, he smelled the "contents" and determined it was tea leaves. But, he thanked the boys for calling him and told them they did the right thing. In town just that morning, an 8th grade boy was found in a parking lot and the rumor is that he had overdosed on heroin. That's the saddest thing I've heard, and I'm sure the officer was thankful that our boys thought enough to call them because if it were drugs they'd found, at least it would be off the street. We've heard nothing further on the condition of the 8th grade boy, but I sure hope he is okay.

This is the world we live in, and I am scared for Pal to be out there experiencing the harsh reality. I would have preferred he came home from school and lived in the safe little bubble we've created. I just hope he is smarter than the 8th grader and chooses to stay on the safe side of drugs, like calling the police about them.

Vacation is off to an exciting start but I hope it gets "boring" very quickly!!! I love to think of Pal and I waking up late, going to the beach or hanging out at my brother's pool. That's the Summer I am hoping for, anyway!

Happy Summer to everyone!
- G

Monday, May 16, 2011

Update

After the nationwide vote....the doctor said my blood sugar is now back in the "normal" range, and BP was down 10 "points" on each end. Phew. Total weight loss as of today: 33 lbs!

I have a long way to go as far as weight loss goes, but I have to admit it feels really good for people to notice it.

Oh, AND, This past weekend my chorus won 3rd place in our regional competition!! We were 3rd in our division, and 5th out of 16 overall!

TTFN,
-G

Friday, April 22, 2011

Taking Back The Control

Has it really been almost four full months since I wrote a blog entry? Shame on me. But, I have good news - there is less of me to shame!!! Let me document my journey for you.

In January, I turned 40. Ugh, right? Well, I was pretty okay with it. I have a great life; a wonderful husband who loves me unconditionally, a beautiful healthy son, great siblings, a great in-law family, good friends, a good job, an awesome chorus to sing with, etc. etc. etc. I can't complain. Well, yes I can.

I have been overweight since I was 17 years old. Initially it was manageable, I could go to Weight Watchers and lose the extra 15-20 lbs. Then in my 20's I started putting it on and keeping it on. I lost weight for my wedding, like most brides do. But pretty much since then, it's been no-holds-barred. I have no excuse, other than absolute laziness. My hubby loves me no matter what weight I am, so therefore there is no motivation to be thin anymore. It's way more fun to eat whatever I want, all.the.time.

That all changed on February 7, 2011 (which also happens to be Garth Brooks' birthday) when I went for a physical. At my last doctor's appointment my blood pressure was elevated, and when the doctor looked back at the last few BP's they were also slightly higher. She came in and told me that I had borderline high blood pressure and needed to act on it, now. She mentioned BP medications, and I don't want to do that. So, we discussed diet, exercise and all the other things I wasn't ready to deal with. The Doc delivered the ultimatum: I either had to lose 10 pounds by May or I would have to go on medicine.

Sounds easy, right?!?! Huh! I went home and told my family that I would have to change my eating habits and get serious about this. I was firm. However, like with every diet I've ever tried, I start to give myself leeway and eat things I shouldn't. Until.....

A letter arrives in the mail 3 days later from the doctor saying that the results from my blood tests showed that I also have high blood sugar. WHAAAT???? No way. Not me. I almost dropped the letter out of my hands. This cannot be my life. I will not be a diabetic. NO FLIPPIN' WAY.

At first I was too ashamed to tell anyone. My hubby had to deal with me all on his own...I actually sobbed one night before going to bed. I was so devastated that I had let my health get this out of control. Eating whatever I wanted for the last 15 years came with a price, and I was not ready to pay. Due to my ferocity that I could not, and would not, be "that person" (you know, the diabetic who has to use insulin, who also had a stroke because of their high blood pressure,who everyone says "Gee, if only she would stop eating herself to death." Or at least in my own head that's what people are saying...I digress...) I have taken control back. Instead of being ashamed, I have shared my story with a lot of people and have gotten so much positive support and reinforcement from my family and friends. I can honestly say that I am a much healthier person today and have completely revamped my eating habits at this point. And the best news of all? I am down 28.3 pounds as of today. Don't you forget that .3 - I've earned it!!!!

This is just the beginning of my journey. I can only be hopeful that the road I've traveled thus far will pay off in that next appointment with the Doc. I'll keep you posted.

Have a wonderful and blessed Easter.

- G

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

The Year Without A Santa Claus



I remember when I found out that there was no Santa Claus. I asked my sister, C, to tell me the truth and she did. I was probably about 8 or 9, and I was probably a little relieved to know the truth. Who wants some fat guy in a red suit creeping into our house while we slept? The thought actually gave me shivers! My brother took delight in showing me all of Mom's hiding places for our gifts and took even more delight in showing me how to unwrap them (just a little) to see what they were!! I know, that's horrible, and we only ruined it for ourselves. But we also couldn't resist the temptation.

Pal found out this year. He had been teetering on the verge of knowing, deep down, but his buddy decided on the eve of Easter to tell him. The buddy's parents had clued him in, and he was busting at the seems to tell someone. Unfortunately, Pal was the first person he saw that day. Pal is still crushed. I was definitely crushed, and it ruined our Easter. It's hard when you only have one child because all those days of "pretend" are now over. The absolute funniest "dawn-on-marble-head" moment was when the Christmas Carols started playing on the radio and he heard the song "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" - he looked at me with this incredulous look and said with sarcasm..."Really?"

So, this year will be a bit different at our house. I don't think it will keep Pal in bed any later, because I still think the excitement of the holiday itself is what wakes him up. I can remember waking up my exhausted (and probably a little hungover) parents at 5:00 a.m. They always got up and went through the pretense of seeing if Santa showed up, whether we believed or not. My Dad used to make us wait on the stairs and he would go downstairs to put the tree lights on, and he'd yell up to us - "Santa didn't come this year - go back to bed!" Ha ha. It's something we do to Pal every year and it infuriates him!!!

Don't get me wrong, I do believe in the magic of Christmas. I believe that Christmas is always changing and our traditions are what keep us happy and hopeful.

May Santa be good to all of you this Christmas season. Remember the reason for the season, too - the birth of our saviour. Happy Birthday, Jesus!

- G

Friday, November 19, 2010

Thanks Giving

I love Thanksgiving. I think that I love it a little more than Christmas (which for me says a lot!) because it is just a day to hang out with family and eat lots of yummy food. I've never hosted a Thanksgiving so I might have a totally different perspective than some of you cooks out there! I simply love all things Fall, and the smells and foods that go with it. Here are some of my favorite things about Thanksgiving that remind me of my childhood and being with my family:

Waking up to the smell of turkey cooking
Celery sticks filled with cream cheese and sprinkled with Paprika
Whole walnuts and other nuts, with large metal nutcrackers
Fresh oranges and grapes on the table
Olives (there were always black and green olives whenever my Mom was involved!!)
Setting the table the night before with Mom's china
Mom's apple pies (luckily my sister C has carried on that tradition...yum!)
Dad cutting into an apple pie on the night before Thanksgiving
My Grandpa coming over for dinner and my brother and I would play in his wheelchair after he fell asleep!
Hot turkey sandwiches around 6:00 p.m.
More apple pie
Mom making me go to Marty's Caterers to BUY gravy because hers was (admittedly) awful!
My sister C holding a chisel and hammer over my Mom's gravy to demonstrate the awfulness!!!
Everybody being sleepy and watching football in the living room


As the years went on and our family expanded, we all couldn't fit into my parent's kitchen, and so we had to put banquet tables through the living room and den. There was never a kids table, we always sat together. Once my Mom started getting older and it became evident that her memory was failing, we started having dinner at my sister's houses. Now my brother has hosted this "event" a few times as well, and that's where we will be this year. I know my Mom will be looking down on us and she will be thankful that we are all together, in one place, carrying on the family traditions. I feel very grateful that she gave me so many great people to spend Thanksgiving with. I love you, family!


May your holiday be filled with traditions, great family and more apple pie than you can possibly eat in one day!

- G

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Favorites

Another blog I like is continuing a meme she saw today, so I thought I would play along too! Thanks, Georgie of Decisionally Challenged!

It’s called Favorites!

Favorite Actor:
Probably Tom Cruise (oh, stop gagging already!). He's been in so many movies I like (A Few Good Men is my favorite...oh wait I am jumping ahead!!) Richard Gere could top the list just for Pretty Woman alone!

Favorite Actress:
Julia Roberts. Love her!

Movie:
The Sound of Music comes first, then Pretty Woman, then A Few Good Men, then My Cousin Vinny, then My Big Fat Greek Wedding....

Band:
Currently I'd have to say the Zac Brown Band.

Musical:
The Sound of Music, of course!

Novel:
The Bridges of Madison County, Montana Sky, Good in Bed.

Cuisine:
Italian, Mexican.

Wine:
yuck.

Store:
Sadly, Target. Or Kohl's.

Vampire:
(skip!)

Primetime TV series:
Currently I would say Modern Family and The Big Bang Theory. I cry laughing at these 2 shows.

Time Waster:
Uh, FACEBOOK. Duh!

Chore:
Sadly, cleaning the whole house. All is right in my world when my house is clean.

Quote:
"People may forget what you said, but they'll never forget how you made them feel."

Smell:
My son after a shower. Other than that I can't stand most strong smells.

Vacation Spot:
DISNEY! And anywhere Hubby wants to go!



Enjoy - Happy end of September!!!

-G

Friday, August 20, 2010

Back to the Grind

No more limbo. Now I'm doing the cha-cha right back into my 9-month position. As I said in my last post, I know that I am lucky to have a job. But right now I am freaking out a little bit about Pal going to Middle School. I am definitely more nervous about it than he is...and I am SO not ready to get back into the world of homework, packing lunches and bedtimes. I felt like a kid again on Monday morning when I had to return to work. Sunday night I was sad that my Summer was officially over. Poor me, I know, but it's hard to go back after 12 weeks of having the time to get everything done. Now it's crunch time again!

Back to the grind!

- G

Monday, August 2, 2010

Limbo

I am scheduled to go back to work in 2 weeks. Ugh.

That is, if I am returning to my regular job. You see, Pal is starting Middle School on August 31, and will be home in the afternoons by 2:00. I am apprehensive to leave him home for 2 hours before one of us gets home. My FIL will be home, but he tends to stay downstairs and there isn't any real supervision going on there. So, I requested to move into one of our 6-month part-time positions at work, which would allow me to be home by 1:30 and still keep my benefits. Unfortunately, NOTHING has been done about moving me into this position. It would take a few other people moving around in their positions (which they WANT to do) and moving me into one of their jobs. This is not rocket science, people!! I am waiting in limbo here, and would love to hear the news that I have more than 2 weeks left of my time off!!! (That's the real reason I want to know!).

Anyway, that's my life - in limbo for now.

I'll keep y'all posted on the job status. 9 months or 6, I have a job and am luckier than some.

- G

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

3 + 4 =...I need to blog more

I almost choked when I looked at the date of my last blog entry - MARCH? Are you kidding me??? Wow. Time flew and I wasn't having a LOT of fun!!!

An update on the last post: My dog is still alive, my FIL's leukemia is still under control and he is doing well, and my septic system SUCKS. In plain english. I won't bore you with the gory details, but put it this way: I now know how much it will cost to r.e.p.l.a.c.e. my septic system. Grrrrrrrrr.....

So, where have I been and what have I been up to since March 28th? We went on a family vacation to California over April school break. That was fun, but it was chilly in CA! I didn't mind it, but when you think of Cali you think of warmth and sun and beaches. We did have one nice day that we sat on the pier at Santa Monica. It was beautiful there. We did the typical southern Cali trip - Disneyland, where we stayed in a motel directly across the street from the entrance! Lego Land, which Pal was a little to old for, and the San Diego Zoo. Now THAT is a zoo! I can never again go to our local zoo, it will never live up to that!!

Pal has continued with Boy Scouts, much to his father's delight. He really seems to like it, and I know he is a bit in awe of the "older" kids. But they scare ME. Long hair and skinny jeans....UGH. We went camping in Maine over Memorial Day with our pop-up and Pal's friends family. Pal played in his Advanced Band concert and that was cool to see how much they've improved since last year. I also finished up work at the end of May and thoroughly enjoyed 3 weeks of "me time" while Pal was finishing up 5th grade! Can't believe he's going to Middle School next year. Another thing that scares ME!

4th of July weekend was fun, we went to the camper and our campground had awesome fireworks. Then we went to the annual Balloon Festival. It was fun, but I am definitely getting to the point where I am over it. I love the balloons going up but the whole weekend itself has become a chore. I don't need more chores!

So that brings me to today. On Sunday, Pal and Hubby will head off to Boy Scout Camp. For a whole week. Without me. YAAAAAAHHHOOOOOOOo!!! Oh, I mean, I'll really miss them. My living room looks like a camping store threw up, and there are two 45-gallon tubs in there collecting it all. The next few days will be a lot of work to get them both everything they need, but it will be worth it. For them. Oh, and if I happen to enjoy it a little bit, that will just be a bonus. =)

Sorry for being a neglectful blogger...I'll try harder in the future!

Happy Summer!
- G

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Just one of *those* WEEKENDS

Ugh. I feel like I shouldn't even post this blog. My life has sucked these last few days and I don't even like admitting that because I always try to stay on the positive side and remember that there are SO many people who have it worse than I do right now. But it started with Thursday (see my post about my lunch!!) and I feel like it has gotten worse and worse through the whole weekend. Probably until right now. It's almost 5:00 on Sunday and today has proven that I can have a normal day again. I slept in until 9:15 and my sister-in-law showed up at our house with a Dunkin' iced coffee, and my Mother-in-law made us breakfast. I felt like I'd hit the lottery after the last 36 hours of my life. We went to Church and it was unusually crowded because it is Palm Sunday. I felt renewed and refreshed after Mass, and the day has been pretty low key since. So now I can blog about the sucky few days we just had.

Friday at work was pretty busy. It would have been my Mom's 75th birthday and I was feeling a bit melancholy, but all in all the workday went pretty well. Hubby called and asked if I could pick up something he left on a job that was near my work. Coming out of the side street, I hit the curb with my back passenger side tire and heard the "bang" as I came down off the curb...I knew that wasn't a good sound, but the car (which is 3 months old) wasn't riding any differently so I got on the highway. About 5 miles into my trip, a light came on on the dashboard that I wasn't familiar with. As I leaned over to get the manual out of the glove box, (I was in traffic going slowly), a nice man flagged me down and pointed to my back tire....I rolled down the window and he shouted "Your back tire is completely flat!". Oy. I pulled over to the breakdown lane and got out...sure enough it was dead. I called AAA and after describing exactly where I was on the highway, they told me to wait 15 minutes - someone was on their way. 15 minutes...20 minutes...30 minutes...a return call from AAA saying "They can't locate you". Are you freakin' kidding me?!? I described EXACTLY where I was, exit number and all. I drive a CHERRY APPLE RED car. How in the world can they not locate me? Well, they dispatched a different tow company and told me to wait another 30 minutes. I actually said to the dispatch guy "ANOTHER 30 minutes?!?!" He apologized but they are not even in the same state as I am so there is nothing they can do. Ugh. So, exactly 30 minutes later the tow company shows up and in 3 MINUTES has my tire changed. The guy was very nice, but at this point I had to pee so badly that I just wanted to get going. I stopped at the tire store and he told me the tire was not repairable, and to replace the spare will cost $209.00. Wow. Expensive curb.

After arriving home and settling myself in for the night, my Father-in-law comes upstairs to tell me that our dog is not doing well. I may not have blogged here about our dog...he is only 4 years old but was diagnosed in November with inoperative, incurable cancer. After getting a second and third opinion, we were told there was nothing they could do for him. Poor Rusty. Poor us. It's been awful to watch the tumor in his leg get bigger and bigger and watch him slowly deteriorate. But, he has been doing pretty well considering and was still playful and happy most days. He's been on pain medicine pretty regularly since January, but these last few days he has been declining more rapidly. On Friday night we had made the decision that if he was still this bad on Saturday morning, we would "put him down". All of us were crying, and it was gut-wrenching. Pal had a really difficult time with it. But after having a good night on Friday, and a good day on Saturday, we have decided to hold off for right now. He is sitting here with us right now and other than hobbling on 3 legs he seems content.

Another piece of news we received on Friday is that my Father-in-law's leukemia might be returning...he's been going through testing and they don't like the look of his blood test results. He will now have to have a bone-marrow test again, which is very painful for him. We are anxiously awaiting more information.

So, Saturday started out to look like a normal day especially with the decision to wait on putting the dog down...but silly me, I spoke too soon. We had plans to visit our newlywed friends at their new place, and they were making dinner for us. Just as we were about to leave the house, my Father-in-law asks Hubby to come down and plunge their clogged toilet...which turns out to be a more complicated problem of water backing up into their shower stall. So, Pal and I leave without him to go to our friends under the assumption that Hubby will solve the plumbing issue and then join us there. 5 hours later, I come home to all the outdoor lights blazing and 2 septic trucks in our driveway. Not a good sign. It turns out there was a blockage in our septic system somewhere IN the house. It took them 4 hours to get it resolved, and $550.00 later we were unclogged. It smelled lovely in the house, too. It was 11:00 at night and Hubby had never eaten dinner.

Do you see why I am feeling a little on the negative side? Like I said, I am not even sure I should blog this because I know there are so many people who have much bigger problems than we do. But it felt good to put it on paper (so to speak) and vent it to the blogger world. Thanks for letting me.

On to Monday!

-G

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Just one of *those* days.

I just dropped my lunch on the floor. It's already been one of *those* kind of days. I hate that I almost cried because my lunch was ruined. If you knew the conditions we work in, especially since most of our building has been flooding for 2 weeks, you would know that I would never, EVER, eat something that had been on our kitchen floor! My boss said "Can't you just kiss it up to God?". Ew. My germophobia just got the goose bumps!!

So now I am working through my regular lunchtime and will go out a little later with my friend for lunch. At least it will have a happy ending!

Tomorrow would have been my Mom's 75th birthday. I hope she has a Happy Heaven Birthday.

-G

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

To Be...Or Not To Be...?

That is always the question when it comes to Pal.

Pal has been a Cub Scout since First Grade, starting out in one Pack and then transferring at the end of 2nd grade to a bigger, better Pack with his best buddy. We had just moved here when Pal started Cub Scouts so we didn't really know that many people. This group of people - from the Cubmaster to the parents that are involved, have become some of our closest friends in this town.

So, when Pal was crossing over (or "graduating") from Cub Scouts as a Webelos II Scout on January 25th, the natural progression of scouting is for them to join Boy Scouts. There is a terrific Boy Scout Troop that is a continuation of our Cub Scout Pack, and it is all the same families that are involved. There were 6 Webelos II Scouts that would be crossing over. Except that Pal decided he doesn't want to be a Boy Scout. Figure in that Hubby is an Eagle Scout and credits his involvement with Scouts with keeping him out of trouble as a teen, (or most trouble, I should say!!) you can imagine that we were heartbroken. When your child doesn't want to do something that you've always dreamed you would do with them, a little part of you dies inside. I saw the utter disappointment in Hubby's eyes, but he had promised Pal that we wouldn't force him to do Boy Scouts.

Last week, things changed. Pal and Hubby were home (it was school vacation) and they decided to go shopping with all of Pal's gift cards that he got at Christmas. Pal had his heart set on a new video game system that cost more than the gift cards, so Hubby made a deal with him: I will front the rest of the money if you will TRY Boy Scouts. My initial reaction was "You just made a deal with the devil!". But, I could see how much Hubby wanted Pal to at least try it, with the hope that he will love it and stick with it. Unfortunately, this is NOT Pal's strength!

Last night was their first meeting and it seemed to go pretty well. I can only hope that the deal lasts and Pal doesn't try to back out of it. My sincere hope is that one day we will be at Pal's Eagle Scout Court of Honor and we will be telling everyone how he didn't even want to TRY Boy Scouts!

Wish us luck!
-G

This is the Crossing Over Ceremony for the Webelos II Scouts (Pal on far left)

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

One Month

Today marks one month since my Mom passed away. It has been a month filled with emotions of all kinds. Those of you who have lost someone know what I am talking about. My brother's boss sent him a card that said "Nobody knows what it's like to lose your Mother unless they've been through it." Boy is that the truth. I never thought I would feel the range of emotions I have felt since her death. It's overwhelming sometimes.

My niece was having a hard time grieving and was being criticized by those close to her for the way she was choosing to handle it. NO ONE has that right. We all grieve differently, and the way we choose to do it is nobody's business but our own. Watching the death of someone you love is TRAUMATIC, and what we went through with my Mom was traumatic. Not just her dying, but her life before Alzheimer's, her life during Alzheimer's and now her death after Alzheimer's.

About 2 weeks after she passed, I got into bed and Hubby was already asleep. I cuddled up next to him and LOST IT. He, in bewilderment, was awake in a flash and asked me what was wrong. I couldn't even explain it properly. I felt guilty for feeling. Feeling mad at my Mom for handling life the way she did long before Alzheimer's crept in. Feeling ashamed for being mad at her. Feeling bad that I didn't cry so hard on the day of her funeral. Feeling devastated that my Mother was never going to call me on my birthday again, or hug my son again, or make horrible, inedible lasagna, or anything ever again. It's a harsh realization.

It's grief, plain and simple. I still don't feel like life will ever be "normal" again. And just when I think I am back to normal, something else happens or somebody says something that brings me right back to that moment in time. I guess I will just become a new normal now.

Thanks for listening.
-G

p.s. I love you and miss you, Mom. Rest in peace.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

It's Your Song


March 26, 1935 - January 17, 2010

My Mom passed away on Sunday from Alzheimer's Disease and Colon Cancer. She was surrounded by her 5 children and waited for her favorite daytime Nurse to come back to work in the morning before she passed peacefully in her sleep. It was the most heart-wrenching moment, of relief and despair all wrapped into one. She is finally "free", at peace and in a better place.

Since this Blog is named after a Garth Brooks song about the life you lived in that little dash in between your birth date and death date, I wanted to share with you the lyrics from yet another fitting Garth Brooks song. My Mom had the most beautiful voice and I was always in awe of her when she sang. This is the one thing she will be remembered for most, not just by her family but by all of the people whose weddings and funerals she sang at. My sister, "P", and I have been blessed with good voices, too, though we can not even compare to my Mom's voice. So, the lyrics to the song below express what I feel when I sing. I sing for her.

"It's Your Song" by Garth Brooks

Standing in the spotlight
On such a perfect night
Knowing that your out there listening
I remember one time
When I was so afraid
Didn't think I had the courage
To stand up on this stage
Then you reached into my heart
And you found the melody
And if there ever was somebody
Who made me believe in me
It was you
It was you

It was your song that made me sing
It was your voice that gave me wings
And it was your light that shined
Guiding my heart to find
This place where I belong
It was your song

Every night I pray
Before the music starts to play
That I'll do my best and I won't let you down
And for all the times I've stood here
This feeling feels brand new
And any time I doubt myself I think of you

'Cause It was your song that made me sing
It was your voice that gave me wings
And it was your light that shined
Guiding my heart to find
This place where I belong
It was your song

Dreams can come true
With God's great angels like you

It was your song that made me sing
It was your voice that gave me wings
And it was your light that shined
Guiding my heart to find
This place where I belong
It was your song
It was your song
It's always been your song


Rest easy now, Mom. I will do my best to make you proud every day.
I love you,
-G

Thursday, December 31, 2009

Welcome, 2010!

Happy New Year's Eve to all you doubters who thought I wouldn't post again in 2009!!! When I started thinking about saying goodbye to 2009, I thought of my post from December 23, 2008 where I did a recap of the horrible year we had. All-in-all, I think 2009 did me proud and lived up to its expectation of being a better year. Here is my recap of 2009 (some of it may be redundant after my catch-up post in October, but here goes):

January 5th we moved my Dad into the retirement community and said goodbye to the house where we all grew up. It was a poignant moment and we all handled it differently. I said goodbye when I was there alone the night before it was "sold". It was like watching the end of a TV series when the cast walks off the set and it goes dark --- I had to lock the back door, putting my key inside on the counter before I shut the door. Looking back through the locked door into the kitchen where my family shared many a meal. It was sad, but I had to remind myself that it was what needed to happen for my Dad's sake. I have to drive by that house every day after work and I always look down the driveway to see who's home. I hope the new people have many happy memories in that house. My sister, P, is in touch with the new owners on Facebook, and they send her updates and pictures. It's pretty cool to see.

February was totally uneventful, and I loved it that way! We hired a math tutor for Pal, who comes to our house twice a week. He's a good kid, out of college and looking for a job. He does wonders with Pal. He even helps him with other homework if he has it.

The first weekend of March, Hubby and I were able to escape for a weekend and go to a luxury hotel in Maine. I say escape because Pal was NOT happy about us leaving, to say the least. He stayed with Hubby's sister and her family and according to him, he was "miserable" all weekend! We, however, were NOT miserable! We were near the ocean in Maine and that Saturday turned out to be an early Spring surprise, where the temps went up to 70º! We walked on the beach and watched the crazy surfers, dogs running and little kids digging in the sand. Then we went for a drive up the coast, got a little lost, and stopped at a "world famous" hot dog stand. http://www.floshotdogs.com/

In April we barely stayed home! The first weekend took us to New Jersey to visit some friends who moved there. Their son is one of our many Godchildren, but the only one that both Hubby and I share as Godparents. (We each have 4 others, separately!). On that Saturday we all took the train into New York City and went to the American Museum of Natural History. What a place! It's where they filmed "Night at the Museum". It takes up 4 city blocks and you need two full days to see the whole thing. On the ride to and from NJ, Pal read the entire first book of Harry Potter! He has since read all 7, and even read 1 & 2 again!
On April school vacation, we went on a Cruise. It was just awesome. We went to St. Thomas, Tortola and Samana. The latter was horrible, but the other two made up for it. We even swam with the dolphins in Tortola - that was totally cool!!!

May was quiet, and again I am thankful for quiet! A friend of ours who runs Pal's Cub Scout pack was nominated and won the town's Good Guy award. That was so much fun to see him honored - he truly deserved it. We were even quoted in a local newspaper from parts of our nomination letter! Later in May, Hubby bought a new pickup truck and we went camping with friends and got to use our brand new (used) pop-up camper for the first time. It was great! Our favorite memory from that trip was the 3 boys (Pal and their 2) playing army all over the campground, and as they were leaving the camp site, one of them yelled "The battle will ensue in the ferns on the hill!" It was their battle cry and we all laughed so hard.

June brought the end of my work year, the end of school, and the decision of whether to put a new transmission in my 9 year old van or trade it in for a new vehicle. We ended up putting the transmission in, which didn't pay off in the long run (see December for update on this!). In light of my Mom's colon cancer, it was suggested that all of us get a colonoscopy, so mine was in June. Everything was fine, for all of us, thank God! In late June, Pal started a Summer program where he went every day from 8:30-1:00 for June through July. I loved it. Him...not so much! Pal also started taking Karate lessons. Again, I love it. Him, not so much! But, he made a commitment to it and will be taking lessons until our contract expires next June!!

July was filled with going to our campground and enjoying that new camper, too! We also did a family trip with all of the kids in the family to a local water park - with a cookout at the camper after. We also shared season tickets to a Triple-A baseball team called the Lowell Spinner's, so we went to our share of games. It was a lot of fun.

In August we were barely home, again! The first weekend we went camping with the same friends in our pop-up. This time we went to Maine and the campground had a lot of stuff for the kids to do. The campsites were a little too close for our comfort, but we had a good weekend anyway. The second weekend, we went to Florida. Instead of another Disney-filled trip, we decided to do the "other" parks...shhh, don't tell anyone! Boy, was it HOT. I have never sweat so much in my entire life.
Then I went back to work, earlier than usual this year, because of a new position. You can read about that in my October "Marathon Start" post. Pal also went to Cub Scout camp for his final year. More about this in same October post.

Back to school came September 1, and then Pal turned 10! We also had a visit from one of our cousins in Arizona (see October post again!). My family also walked in the Alzheimer's Association Memory Walk in honor of my Mom.

October was colder than normal for our area. On the 3rd weekend, the Cub Scout pack went camping with the Boy Scouts Troop to a mountain in New Hampshire. I was excited because the women folk were NOT invited!! A whole weekend to myself?!?! Whoopie!!! Well, not so fast, there G! The temps dropped into the low 20's, and the men decided after hiking 9 miles up the mountain that they would prefer sleeping in a warm bed at home. Oh well, there goes the big bed all to myself!
The 4th weekend Hubby and I went to Erie, PA for my friends wedding (see Weddings post in October). In late October, I decided to join a local Chorus for their Christmas show. I hope to audition for them in January to be a member. They are part of the Sweet Adelines.

In November I had some moles removed from my face and that was one of the most painful experiences of my life! At least they were all benign, which I knew, but it was nice to be reassured. For my Dad's 77th birthday, we got the whole family together and made him one of his family's famous recipe's...Ropie Pie. It is a potato and meat mixture which I find repulsive but he was thrilled. Pal also competed in a Karate tournament and placed 2nd and 3rd in the 2 categories he was in. We were so proud of him. The following week he got a belt promotion, too! Exciting stuff. The very last weekend of November was my 20th High School Reunion, which I swore I would never attend. But, after reconnecting on Facebook with some good friends, I decided to go. It was...interesting!

December brought more van trouble. This time it was a power steering pipe that rusted. Then 2 weeks later it was the entire front end suspension. We decided it was TIME. So, now I am driving a leased Toyota Rav4! We had never considered leasing before but now that I know I will not have to deal with an aging car again, I am loving the idea! Pal also shocked us at his Band concert by getting up to do a trombone SOLO! Again, we were so proud!

At Christmas I went to see my Mom in the NH, and she seems to be doing okay. She has good days and bad, but for the most part things are status-quo. We still could not be happier with the decision to move her to the NH. As for my Dad, he also continues to struggle with all the changes in his life, but for the most part is doing alright.

So, after a hellish 2008, I am happy to say 2009 was good to us. May 2010 be prosperous, healthy and happy for all of you, as well!!

Happy New Year!

-G

Friday, December 11, 2009

OH Christmas Tree...

Do you remember this picture from last January?


My post was about the mess our real tree made and how I hate real trees. But, Hubby likes them. So again, we went and picked out a real tree last Friday and brought it home, put it in the stand, and on Wednesday night all 3 of us strung the lights and decorated it. And then, it started to fall over. Luckily we were right there and caught it. But no matter what Hubby did to resecure it in the stand, it would NOT.STAND.UP. @$*&!!!

And so, we UNstrung the lights and UNdecorated it, and then we threw it out. I was so disgusted. Now, we will haul the fake tree out of the attic this Sunday and REstring the lights and REdecorate the fake tree. *&^%!!!

Next year, we will START with the fake tree. I hope.

Here's hoping your holidays are joyful and filled with good friends, good food and the love of your family.

See you in 2010 (because at the rate I am blogging it WILL BE 2010!)

-G

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Weddings



I love weddings. I love going to weddings. Weddings usually make me cry. I get all nostalgic and think about my own wedding, which I loved every minute of. Everybody told me that my reception was the most fun they ever had at a wedding. I was proud of that, because we hired the "one man band" guy we had seen at another wedding because he really knew how to work the crowd. We chose really cool songs for our first and last dances and because it was before Christmas, we chose poinsettia plants as the centerpieces. For the seating assignments, we attached the "Table #__" cards to a Christmas ornament with our names and our wedding date hand-written on them, that I made myself. It's been 14 years and people still tell me they hang their ornament up and think of us every Christmas. I love that!

I remember my brother telling me that he felt like a fish inside a fishbowl on his wedding day, where everyone was watching him and Di and their every move. All eyes on them. I loved that feeling! I know, I know, this doesn't shock those of you that know me well. (My brother also used to say I had a mouth the size of Peru, and my nickname from a close family friend was "Motor Mouth". I am NOT shy.) I still watch my wedding video once in a while. Hubby still has never watched the entire thing!! That was our agreement - he didn't want it video-taped, I did. So, the agreement was that I would never MAKE HIM watch it. Marital harmony!

This coming weekend, Hubby and I are traveling to a wedding in Pennsylvania. The groom was one of my former teens when I was doing the High School Youth Group at Church. He was a sulky, moody boy who showed up at the Mass because his new girlfriend dragged him there. At first I figured we'd see him this once and he'd never return, girlfriend or not. But he surprised all of us by coming back again and again. When we wanted to paint our youth center, he offered to paint a mural on one wall. At one point he was so upset about a youth group issue that he staged a boycott until we heard him and his peers out. His graduating "class" from the youth group are among some of my favorite teens to this day.

After he graduated, we didn't see him as much, but kept in touch with him. One day he called us and asked if we would consider him joining the adult team for the youth group. I was so happy and proud. He wrote a paper for a college class about his experiences with the youth group and how we all helped him change his life around. I have never, ever, been more humbled by someone else than I was that day.

Well, he joined our team and in the long run (and I do mean LONG run, many years and a few parish changes later) ended up running the youth group!! He has since "retired" (as have I) and met the love of his life who he will marry on Saturday. I don't have any younger siblings, and he is an only child, so we are always joking that he is my little brother and I am his sister. I really, really like his wife-to-be, too, and I tell him all the time that I might even like her better than I like him. Typical older sister thing to say, huh?!

I am truly blessed to be able to witness this marriage and I hope they have many, many years of happiness.

((tear))

- G

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Marathon Start


I feel like I have been running a marathon since I last blogged. (Okay, stop laughing NOW!). The last post was all about our Summer activities. Since then I have gone back to work, Pal has gone back to school, and it is now October. I didn't even have ONE post in September! I will catch you up as best I can:

Pal was at Cub Scout Camp during the week of my last post. He didn't really like it this year because they decided that the Webelos II scouts would go to an offsite Boy Scout camp instead of staying in camp with all of the others. So they would pile onto a bus for a 45-minute ride to the other camp every day. Then on the last day they brought them back into the camp with all of the other kids and it was (to quote Pal) "awkward". Plus this was the first year that I had to be back to work and couldn't go as the "Den Escort". I like to think he missed his Mom. =)

Back to work came early for me this year. Myself and 2 others got a promotion and this brought on a ton of new responsibilities, (it was a whole other job on top of our regular jobs), and boy were we in shell shock. I have never had so much work to do in such a short period of time before. I was EXHAUSTED at the end of each day! I would rather be busy than bored, but at this point I could have used enough time to take a bathroom break!! Especially since I was looking around and it didn't seem like the other 2 had as much work to do as I did. Thankfully they noticed, too, and everyone pitched in to help me when I needed it. When I got home every night it took all I had to keep my eyes open!

Pal started school before Labor Day. He seems to like his new teacher and isn't getting loaded down with homework, yet. This teacher likes them to get as much done IN school so they don't have to take it home. I love that theory, but I worry about next year when he goes to middle school and has to manage his work himself. This is not his strong point! He is also doing Karate twice a week and has decided to keep learning trombone in the school band this year. On top of all of that he has CCD and Cub Scouts, so we are always going somewhere.

In the same week that Pal went back to school, he turned 10! We had a "Lego Store" party with 3 of his buddies, with pizza and cupcakes after. Then we had a family party at the house, which was small this year. And that was just fine with me!! Here is a pic of the Lego Party:

Toward the end of September, one of my cousins from Arizona came to New England with his wife for a short vacation. I'll call them the "Carbs". This is one of my "long lost" cousins that our family never really knew until I made contact with one of them about 10 years ago through email. It was so great to see both of them, and this was her first time to the east coast. She just fell in love with it, and we all got along so nicely. Here are a couple of pictures from their visit: My sisters C & P, with myself and RCarbs


The Four R's
RCarbs, my Dad, my Brother and my Nephew)


My Dad and RCarbs (they kinda look alike, don't ya think??!)


Mr. & Mrs. Carbs and Dad

My family once again did the Alzheimer's Memory Walk as the team "Memory Keepers". Here is a picture of the whole team:

Now we are headed into Columbus Day weekend - at long last! It is also Hubby's 39th B-day next week! He will be spending the following weekend camping with the Cub Scouts (did I mention that he took over their den this year?) Look at how cute he is in uniform:I will be thoroughly enjoying some time to myself (in other words, the house will get cleaned and stay clean for longer than 10 minutes!!!). I have made some plans to hang out with the ladies and I am SO looking forward to it.

Mom's disease is progressing, and she now needs assistance with eating. She looks pretty good though and doesn't seem to be in too much pain. Here is a recent picture of her with 2 of my nieces:


I've caught you up on my life since August (not 100%, there isn't enough blogisphere out there to chronicle ALL of it!!!!). Pretty soon it will be the holidays and we will be saying, "Where did 2009 GO?"!!!

Have a great long weekend!
- G